My husband and I are both “Type A” people. So I’ll never forgot the look of shock on my husband’s face when I sat him down one day and gently said, “I think our son is Type B.”
Type A folks are ambitious, driven, and competitive. They like to set goals and achieve them. Type B personalities are more laid back, dreamy, unfocused, and mellow letting things roll off their back. One is not better than the other, and certainly both can be successful in life. But how they get there is vastly different.
As a Type A, I can certainly look at my Type B children and envy their lack of anxiety and cool, easy-going temperament and creative spirit. I am curious as to what it is like to not be high-strung, always worrying and trying to come out on top.
Lately, I’ve talked to other moms about this. Moms who are concerned, “why isn’t my child more competitive?” We worry why our kids don’t have that competitive spirit, that fire in the belly to not be just good at something but the best.
Type A parents raising Type A kids is a much simpler task. You speak the same language and see things the same way. But even then there are times parents push their kids too much. Type A kids might be able to handle it, appreciate it even, where a type B kid will just feel criticized and defeated.
So what do we do? First I think it is important to always remember that each child is different. If I had a nickel for every parent who ever said how amazed they are that each of their children was so incredibly different, I’d be a very rich woman. But it is easy to forget, and easy to compare them – a big no-no. But we all do it sometimes. But they are each different and unfortunately that means we have to parent them differently sometimes. This will no doubt drive your other children crazy. But as a parent that is our right.
I also don’t think you can just throw your hands up in the air with the Type B child and shout “oh well.” You have to have set high expectations for your children and push them to succeed. I think it’s probably how you go about it. The ends do not justify the means. To my Type A child I can say, “Don’t come in second, don’t let anyone beat you.” She gets that. But to my Type B child the answer to this is simply “who cares.” They are fine with second. Second beats third. Second is pretty darn good. So I have to let go of my expectations. I have to say “Do the very best you can. Don’t slack. Give it your all.” And smile.
I also think that even with Type B personalities, when they find something they truly are gifted at, that’s when they shine and begin to push themselves. Maybe that is true for all of us, but Type B personalities are just more aware of it and content to wait.
Type B personalities are also generally more social and extroverted than their hard-driving counterparts. According to Psychology Today, “people with type B personality crave attention, are comfortable being at the center of attention and often make excellent TV and radio hosts, actors and high-profile speakers. They are effective public speakers and communicators and can identify and resolve problems. And Type Bs are better able to enjoy the moment.”
This is what I remind myself of when my 10 year old son is having a great time in the dugout, socializing and cracking jokes and has no idea what the score is or who’s up.
From one mom to another,
Jenny Wilson